Its been a while. So im updating..
Josh and i are dating...
Which i never thought would happen.
Its actually been the great 4 months ever!
Hes amazing, and i love him to death.
School is okay... Rough start... but okay..
Senior year.. cant wait till its over..
Then back to oregon bitches.
Its late... and im tired..
my bed is calling me..
More later.
Its been a while. So im updating..
Josh and i are dating...
Which i never thought would happen.
Its actually been the great 4 months ever!
Hes amazing, and i love him to death.
School is okay... Rough start... but okay..
Senior year.. cant wait till its over..
Then back to oregon bitches.
Its late... and im tired..
my bed is calling me..
More later.
He told me things would be different
And that he would love me from beginning to end
I know im miles and miles away
But things were supposed to be good.
This summer was going to be our summer
And we were going to spend time together
Me in his arms, kisses and hugs... everything
Now its all messed up...
Shes not even that great...
Im glad hes happy.. but its still dumb
It should be me...
Im not even excited about coming home anymore
Do i wanna be there now?
I probly wont see him...
He probley wont even care..
He says he loves me and he cares..
Thats a bunch of bull
I was right ONCE again... I am hurt because he lied...
They lie... to many times...
I quit... Im done...
I think its time.. Save me before something bad happens..
I love him
He loves me
Maybe...
Were ment to be... 
Wow... drama seriously. I hate it here. I wanna go home. I hate the fact that people do shit just to make other people pissed off or even to make them happy. Dont act like someone that you arent. Its fuckin stupid. Ughh whatever.
Home is where i wanna be...
Im not sure how im going to get there
I really dont have the money
What can i do to get money?
Any suggestions?
Im working.. but its not enough.
Im looking for another job
But i cant find one...
I need the money soon becasue i gotta get my ticket
And i gotta get home soon... 
I miss my mommy
And my sissys
And my brothers
and my Niece
and my friends
And my guy 
Zach is nothing...
We talked about it..
Hes not looking for anything
And to be honest, im not either.
So we will see if we talk..
I wont call anymore
But he can call if he wants to.
New problem though...
So josh likes me and i know that
I dont wanna date him though
And he knows that...
Its just not goin to happen
Well at the party, i met Tyler..
Thats his cousin...
Hes fun and seems like a great guy
Well we have been talking... alot
And texting alot.. and stuff...
Well i guess Tyler likes me
And im kinda attracted
But what do i do about josh?
We decided not to say anyything right now
We dont wanna hurt him
and i dont even know..
if this will work out...
So i dunno... things are complicated
And Zach is officially dumb i guess.
So this weekend has been cool
Friday night... totally messed up
That was great
And i met a really hot guy..
Zachary is the name...
And i think i wanna keep him.
We talked for hours
We kissed for minutes
and we cuddled alot..
He even brought me allll the way home
The next morning at like 6am.
We sat in his truck talking for
like 2 hours. :-)
Weve talked every day since
He calls me and stuff
He tells me im wonderful
And that im beautfiul
And i dunno its weird.
He hasnt dated in forever
And neither have I
So its weird for sure...
But we like each other
We talked about it today
When he called me good night.
Bed is waiting and guess what?
Tomorrow im going boating
With Zach for sure :-)
Water, Sun, Bathing suits, Tanning lotion, towels, Wind in our hair. Tomarrow will be a good day
A guy who calls me BEAUTiFUL instead of HOT,
who calls me BACK when I HANG up on him,
who will stay AWAKE just to WATCH me sleep.
The boy who KiSSES my FOREHEAD,
who wants to SHOW me off to the WORLD when i'm in my SWEATS,
who HOLDS my hand in front of his FRiENDS,
who thinks i'm just as pretty WiTHOUT makeup on.
The one who constantly REMiNDS me of how much he CARES about me & how LUCKY he is to have me. The one who TURNS to his FRiENDS and says, "thats her..."
He tells me he loves me and says he means it
But is it true? cuz i know i do..
My feelings for him are so strong
And im not so sure why
I wanna go home,
Cuz i wanna be with him
I dont why she would let him go
He is everything i could ever ask for
I wish that i could be his girl. 
H E A O D V <3 E H R E E L S
1. Hugs from behind.
2. Grab her hand when you walk next to each other(don't make her grab yours).
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. DON'T FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her Honestly.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
9. Be super sweet to her.
10. Call her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
11. Comfort her when she cries.
12.Wipe away her tears
13. Love her with all your heart.
14. Pick her up and flirt with her (she'll scream and say put me down but really she loves it).
15. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).
16. Don't let your friends talk trash about her, it'll get back 2 her!
& DONT ever act diff in front of ur friends than u r when its just u and her!!!!
17. Take her for a long walk at night!
18. Always bring a blanket where ever you go outside when its cold to comfort her and hold her close
19. NEVER LIE TO HER!!!!!! because then she will think everything you ever said to her was a lie, even "i love you"
I know that if we were together, he would do all of this for me. Even from far away, he tries to.. I wish that i was home so that i could be with him. I love him so much, and im not even sure why my feelings are so strong for him since im not even there to spend time with him..
I liked him since freshman year
We would flirt in class
I liked him before i left
We would hang out and stuff
Hes such a great guy
But i never told him anything
He dated a few of my friends
And i was okay with it.
But now that im not there
And now that he is single,
I miss him more then anything.
He tells me he wants me home
and that he wants to be my everything.
I want this too and its so hard
I hate being so far
and i wanna move back.
But then theres times when
He talks about his ex
and how he feels
I know the feelings arent gone
But it still sucks.
But im here for him
And its okay...
Maybe this summer with be good
Good for both of us
We will get to spend time together
And see how we really feel.
I need money so bad...
I need to start workin more
I might get a 2nd job.
I need anything i can get
Summer is coming VERY soon
and i NEED to get out of this place..
I need my mom
I need my brother
I need my sisters
I need my Niece
And i wanna be with him...
I change alot.
You gotta keep up with me,
or you get left behind.
Not intenstionaly though...
Its just how it is.
Prom is in like 3 days
Im nervous but so excited
I get to get my hair done
And my dress is gorgeous
And my date, yea hes cute
Were going to have a blast.
Prepping has been stressful
But ive got this down
I only have to spend 20 more dollars before prom
And then i have to pay for my hair
After prom is over...
Im saving up
Everything i get from work
I need the money
My trip costs about 4 hundred something dollars
I gotta get this money QUICK too..
Roys mom gets here-5 days
Prom- 5 days
Heather comes home- 12 days!?
Counting down.
Friday night Alisha and i went shoppin, out to eat, hung out with sam, saw my dad, and stayed at the resteraunt Daniels until 6 the next morning. All we had was cofee from 11 30 until 5 30 in the morning. It was pretty crazy... And then saturday i had to get my nails done early so i only got like one hour of sleep.
Then last night i didnt get home till late either and i had to work this morning. I really want to quit my job because my mom boss sucks ass major. Shes always so bitchy and tells us what to do, she should do stuff to. jeeze
Last night was a blast. A pool party and lots of music. Very nice. It was also pretty cute when mischa had to save my life. What a good prom date
Hmmm what else? Josh is obsessed with me and its so weird. Strictly friends and thats all. Deep down inside i think i have feelings for a friend of his.. and its not sam.
Curt and i hung out. He says were like brother and sister, but honestly i think we are so much more then that... i dunno its weird. I love the kid :-) dad says were ment to be... ewww lol
I got new stuff for my room and it makes me happy
I talked to my sissy hannah and my sister nicole and i got to tell her happy mothers day
I miss my mom like crazy
I think i need to go home..
I would get into more but this is kind of a quick entry.
I will add more later..
Thats a bunch of bull shit
Every thing is and i fuckin hate it.
I dont want to be here
and i dont want to put up with peoples shit.
Chris-sometimes REALLY gets on my nerves
Im depressed and it makes me mad
I wanna have fun and smile
I want to go out and party
But its holding me back
He holds me back too
Why i cant have fun?
Why cant i party?
I call you to ask if its okay to do something.
Your not even here y should it matter
Im so irritated
I talk to sam hoping it will help
But i miss him alot too
I wish things were different
And we would have stayed together
Everything would be so much easier.
Im done with today
And tomarrow is the weekend
Im going to get fucked up
And forget about everything
He doesnt regret kissing me unless it hurt me
But he doesnt want to be with me either.
Now he is hangin out with Megan
He lied about that too..
But i understand and im not upset
I didnt expect anything...
I really want to call Brandon
We havent talked since it happened
But i want to see him and spend time with him
Samantha says he wont think anything of it
But im scared to even call...
Well i called, and no answer
Do i dare call back?
Josh likes me and its WEIRD!
So does his brother...
Wayyy akward if you ask me
I see Sam all the time
I want to kiss him
but it would be weird
Alisha says to do it
But im unsure...
Maybe i should
I think she likes him
and shes lieing to me
I seem to get that alot
I mean they can date
but i wanna know the truth
It irritates me when im lied to
I just want the truth.
I should do homework
I havent done it in like a month
My grades are dropping and
My parents know nothing.
Too bad...
Tired as heck today
Last night was long
But oh so much fun.
When i saw him today
Things werent weird.
It was just okay,
and thats the way i liked it.
Does he have feelings for me?
Do i even like him?
Im not sure.
Maybe it just happened.
We will talk and probley figure it out.
Im homesick like alot.
I feel like running.
Far and farther away...
All the way to mommys house?
All the way to my family.
I want part of it.
Not all of my old life.
Not everyone, Just some people...
Just some events, not all..
Ughh i want him to come home now.
Hes at a concert...
We were supposed to talk.
What should i say when he calls me later?
Im going to be so tired
Maybe i just wont answer...
We will see.
